My New Year’s Resolution.
by Thomas Eugene Krawford Jr.
Could not wait for next week…
The reader may be wondering: how does this author know that he is gay; also, commonly known as homosexual? I know, because I often ask myself the very same question. The answer is simple: I do not, but I have a feeling.
It has a lot to do with what we already know from the earlier installments; of having been born on the Autistic Spectrum and undiagnosed at the time, suffered through an infantile psychotic break brought on by a sexual attack from a close relative and his friends; but of course (and most thankfully) what is my feeling does not stop there.
Maybe it was partly my New Year’s Resolution; a resolution which has evolved over the past seven years as a Custodian II at a prestigious Southeast Michigan University; from wondering aloud (loud enough to be overheard) that isn’t how the custodian here is generally unseen by both students and faculty the same thing as how rich people view the poor in the real world; and since this, a prestigious university, should it not attempt to, if not be better than reality, at least show how reality can change and be changed by enough people who care to change it; and should not that change start here at home; with the dormitories and common areas; places where we all have to live and spend more time, than most of us do with our real families?
Yet, that really is not particularly gay; is it?
I hold that my feeling has something to do with my so-called Eureka-moments over the past seven years; moments where I wondered aloud (again loud enough, but not too loud), especially when evaluating almost anything; isn’t this all just like J.L. Austin’s Speech Act Theory; how the scene of everything as pictures, have locutionary impact on the viewer, the reader; the subject!
At the end of the day, I maintain my feeling that I am Gay comes from my understanding of Erik Erickson’s Theory of Psychosocial Development; a tool I use increasingly often in understanding the behavior of students, faculty, and my fellow staff employees; and most importantly, myself.
Therefore, my New Year’s Resolution is not a sudden burst, as much as it is an inevitable generation; at least to my ears; and in my eyes. I have spent many of my days hiding my Autism; hiding my intelligence; and of course, hiding my Gay self.
So, in 2022 I am out of the closet!
I am out about my Autism and mental illness. I am out about my autonomy versus my self-doubt.
More than anything else, I am Out about Thomas Eugene Krawford Junior; yes, as an African American citizen of their country; but also as a child of God; no better and no worse than any other child of God; on the face of this Earth.
Thank you. See you next time.